Why the Pro-Life Movement Keeps Failing

Every year 1.3 million women get an abortion.  That means in a 10 year span, over a billion women have had an abortion.  In a country where there are 315,645,000 people, that is a huge percentage of both men and women who are participating in abortion.  That means YOU know someone who will have or has had abortions.  Here's where our society is failing.....

We're saying the wrong things:

Imagine if people and parents everywhere said the following:

• "I talk regularly with my child about their parenting plans for the future and I support what they they choose because I have faith in their ability to make the right choices."
• "if my daughter became pregnant outside of her plans, I would support her and love her."
• "if my son and his girlfriend became pregnant, I hope he would feel safe to talk to me because I would still love him no matter what."
• "I don't believe children go to hell for getting pregnant before wedlock. God is loving."
• "I believe in supporting ALL young women if they are pregnant no matter the circumstances."
• "I believe in the choice to keep a baby or adopt a baby.  I would be proud of my daughter if she had to make such a tough decision and if she made the right one for the baby and I hope she will feel safe enough to talk to me."
• "If my son became pregnant with another girl, I would be proud of him for stepping up and taking care of her and his new baby."
• "I trust my daughter to find a great father for her future children."
• "My son will be a wonderful dad someday and wonderful supporter."

Repeated negative messages.

Imagine if young people today heard that!  But here's the thing, people everywhere are afraid to say these things because they worry it will encourage people to have sex.  They worry about allowing birth control because again it will encourage sex.  First, I have to say it.  Just say it.  Sex before the age of 18 is natural.  Yes, you heard me.  I know it is tough to imagine your 15 or 16 year old baby having sex that young but you have been molded and shaped by an imperfect society to believe they are still children. The age of "18" is a randomized number that was arbitrarily picked out of thin air.  It was not researched, studied or even deeply discussed.  It has yet to be proven that it is effective or working or helping our society flourish.  At one time not that long ago (less than a 100 years ago) young people were allowed to mate and marry much younger.  My own great grandmother married her husband at the age of 14 and had her first child at sixteen.  They were married all of their lives and had seven children together.  For THOUSANDS of year, young people were allowed to do what our God/Creator designed them to do.. Their unions were celebrated and supported.  They were allowed to be adults, work, e
arn a living, raise their children and live in peace and acceptance.  They were surrounded by family members who stepped in and helped care for their children so they could work, go to school and do what they needed to do to become better citizens of their tribes.  

Instead, here is what young people are hearing today from both pro-lifers and pro-choicers:

• "Abortion is murder."
• "Sex before marriage is sin."
• "They had to get married because they got pregnant, such a shame."
• "If my daughter got pregnant before the 18 of 18, I'd kick her out."
• "I am against birth control because it encourages sex."
• "You will go to hell if you have sex before marriage."
• "Your life will be hard if you get pregnant before marriage."
• "Your life will be OVER if you have a baby."
• "Thou shalt not kill, you will go to hell if you have an abortion."
• "YOU will have to face the consequences BY YOURSELF if you become pregnant."

Many parents unknowingly force their daughters into abortion.  If you raise a young girl to believe that sex before marriage is bad, shameful and will send you to hell - you are increasing the chances she will get an  abortion.  If you tell your children that if they become pregnant before wedlock that their life will be hard and therefore can kiss a happy life goodbye, again you are increasing the odds your daughter will get an abortion.  If you tell her that you will NOT support her if she becomes pregnant and she will have to face up to the consequences on her own, again.... isn't it obvious?  We as a society have created this.  We have created this mess where billions of babies have been aborted and we are not owning up to it.  

Many women that have abortions are having abortions because they feel very little less options are available to them.  In addition, they will be ostracized, ridiculed and rejected.  They will have to give up their social life, their education and a great future.  If the father doesn't step in, they are faced with a life of single motherhood and struggling.  We are teaching women that they cannot marry or have sex before the age of 18 and yet there are women all over the world marrying their life-long partners are the age of 16 and younger and doing just fine.  The message here in the United States to our young women is CLEAR.  If you become pregnant before the age of 18, you can kiss your future goodbye.  You will potentially loose support, friends, family and will be faced with judgement and burn for eternity in hell.  But do not get an abortion either because that makes you a murderer.  Where is the love?

We attack the wrong people:

From:  http://www.jesus-is-savior.com

Pro-lifers first of all segregate themselves simply by calling themselves "pro-lifers."  They assume that women who are having abortions are cold-blooded heartless killers who WANT to have to abortions.  They post things on their facebook and twitter to attack who they feel are the "pro-choicers" and use words such as murder, killing babies, and so on.  Many of them have not met or known a person who has had an abortion and those who are avidly and obnoxiously "pro-lifers" alienate these women even more because women who have had abortions know better than to open up and share their experiences with devout "pro-lifers" who use such harsh words.  By doing this, pro-lifers are missing out on amazing moments to help and reach out to women (and men) who actually need the most love and support.  Furthermore, most crushingly - they are alienating women who are currently pregnant and seeking different options to themselves.  These women will choose a person or group of people who do not emit hate and condemnation for even considering abortion.  They will gravitate towards the person who is the most open-minded to all the choices they are considering.

A young girl or woman that is pregnant is going to note the pro-lifers on social media and in her immediate life.  She will know whom in her family are most likely to judge her or let her down.  She will remember those who were the most vocal and loudest against abortion.  She will NOT gravitate towards those people for love and support.  This is really truly unfortunate because if she is able to approach these people and feel safe from judgement and hatred and could be truly loved and supported - one more baby could be saved.

We forgot the Creator and our biological design:

The statistics show that 1 in 3 teen women will become pregnant before the age of 18.  In spite of our culture heavily influencing young people to wait to have sex, they are STILL having sex and getting pregnant.  That is over a million teen pregnancies a year.  13% of teens have had sex by the age of 15.  One in four will have sex by age 17.  Get it in your head people.  Our bodies were designed to be sexually active after a period of time called puberty.  

When young people between the age of 15 and 18 have sex, our basic attitude is that they have done something wrong, bad and terrible.  That they are "children having sex."  Not young adults having sex.  Now, I am not promoting that young adults from the age of 15-18 have sex and be wild and let loose because it is "natural" because I challenge you to realize that teens are wild and loose to began with when they choose sexual partners.  In spite of every effort of our society to make them abstain, wait and ignore their natural impulses - they are STILL having sex and getting pregnant.  And guess what?  Most of them are doing it with long-term partners that they are devoted to.  

 We forgot that we are monogamous beings:

We have another cultural idea that if people marry and have sex before the age of 18, they cannot possibly have a long-term or satisfying marriage with one another.  We also have adopted images in our brains that teen sex is fleeting, it happens once.  It is seedy and sneaky.  It is not serious and most of all.  It is not love.  This could not be further from the truth.  Sure there are teens who are participating in one night stands and being irresponsible but that is a result of our own attitudes and behaviors and how we as a society have shaped them.  Among teens who have sex, 70% of females and 56% of males report that their first sexual experience was with a steady partner.  What does that mean?  That means in spite of our harrowing constant message to teens to only date, wait until they are married, wait until they are older - they are creating bonds at a young age and having monogamous sexual relationships.  With each other.  

From there, they are pushed into a society where they are given the message that they are not truly in love, their relationship is meaningless.  They must break up soon and date other people.  If it is true love, they will find each other again.  But here's the truth: most of the time it is love.  Yes, there are lots of surges of hormones involved.  Yes, they are have been poorly raised and are still living like children.  Yes, they do not understand what it means to be adults in a long-term committed partnership.  But that is not their fault.  It is OUR fault for treating them like children for a pro-longed period.  They are taught that there is a "one true love" out there for them.  To keep searching, to keep looking, to wait for all the right signs.  It is not about commitment, it not about making a choice and decision to marry a good spouse and stay with them for the rest of your life irregardless of your differences.  To be a team, to be partners.  To work together.  To be a FAMILY.  No, keep looking.  There's only one soul mate.  He's out there, keep looking until you find the perfect guy or gal. 

Our fear and our attitude is that allowing young adults at the age of 15 to have sex or marry will bring back child brides, that abuse will skyrocket, that divorce rates will go up.  It is evident by the fact that nearly 3/4 of teen girls and HALF of teen boys having sex are in monogamous committed relationships and having sex, by CHOICE.  that we as a society can find a balance so that we can celebrate the freedom of choice.  The freedom to choose our life mates at any age after we have sexually matured.  The freedom to wait until 20, 30 or even to never marry.  We don't have to be one extreme or the other. We can find a balance to support young people in choosing to be committed to each other, to continue their education, to wait until older to start a family so that they will have a better chance of succeeding was individuals and with each other.

We forgot that "it takes a village:"

Have you ever noticed that when a young teen mother marries out of wedlock, she is given a quick and modest wedding.  She is denied the beautiful long gown, 300 guests, even the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  She is lucky to get a modest ring, a decent honeymoon and even a cake to cut.  In some cases, the couple are simply whisked to the courthouse.  Meanwhile, her cousin who might be a few years older than her and has followed all the social norms and rules is being given a beautiful lavish wedding, a long honeymoon, many before and after parties and is treated as a queen.  The young teen mom is punished and society intentionally makes her life hard so she will "learn her lesson" and serve as an example to teen moms every where.  While the older mom is allowed to celebrate her life, allowed to still have fun, enjoy living, enjoy freedom.  She can even work and go to school and enjoy time with her friends.  There's a big fat discrepancy here.  And I ask, why?  Why are women unfairly treated this way simply because of a few years age difference?

Imagine for a minute a culture where our women are valued.  They are taught at an early age that their bodies are amazing miraculous vessels for carrying and making babies if they so choose.  They are taught to decide when they are ready to have children.  They are supported whether they choose the age 16, 26 or 36.  Puberty is celebrated and recognized.  They are taught the delicate intricacies of their bodies and what everything means.  They understand the importance of waiting until their bodies have fully matured and are celebrated at each stage of development.  They are not obligated to marry if they choose not to.  No one uses the words "too young" or "too old."  When they become pregnant, both the man and woman are applauded and congratulated.  They are given support to be with one another and ceremonies abound to keep to them together.  The village comes together and embraces them and celebrates the coming new life.  In this kind of environment, not only will the baby live and be born but also thrive. Babies born to young mothers in the US suffer and are more likely to live in poverty.  They are more likely to be fatherless and even more likely to repeat this cycle for generations.  In a community where young men and women are supported - their partnership and marriage are more likely to last to their last breath. 

Imagine young men are taught early on that the most valuable trait they can have is to be a great husband, provider and father.  They are encourage to start working as young as they want.  They are not stifled and forced to play video games, watch TV and lounge around.  They are allowed to seek education, work, and even earn money.  They are taught to value women not for their bodies but for their abilities to be good mothers and good wives.  They are taught the value of seeking a life-long mate and friend rather than "sowing their seeds" and being wild as bachelors as long as possible.  We have reached a ridiculous crux where men are not "mature" until the age of 30 because we stifled their natural desires and development as children.  As a result, young men are lost and shamed when they impregnate a girlfriend.  

This is probably one of the most key things pro-lifers as well as pro-choicers can do to prevent abortion.  To change our attitudes preemptively we must create and foster a community where young people are valued as adults sooner.  We are doing no favors to people treating them like children for a pro-longed period. Our laws were designed to supposedly "protect" children.  However in tribal settings where children are allowed to naturally work when they are ready, they often start at ages 8-13.  They are self-motivated, a part of the tribe and already acting responsibly as well as earning money.  This is key for the human being's development before they fully hit puberty and start reproducing and yet we are denying them this very important developmental step.  And as a result, when they do sneak into the back of the car and mate, they are unable to care for their resulting offspring efficiently.  It's no wonder they are unable to raise or support themselves and their new child.  They have been denied very important developmental steps in their lives.  

The one message I want to convey to pro-lifers and pro-choicers everywhere, please remember, your WORDS ARE POWERFUL. You are living in a society where billions of women around you have had or are considering abortions.   Each and every one of them has a unique and most likely sad story as to how and why it happened.  By being open-minded and loving, you will find that the majority of them felt hopeless.  They felt they had no choice.  They felt their lives would be over.  And get this..... they felt it was best for the baby.  Can you believe that?  Can you believe that we have actually created a culture and society where young women are sincerely believing that having an abortion is the best thing for the baby?  It's true.  These are not murderers.  They are not bad people.  Many of them are still barely children themselves  

We are too busy arguing about right and wrong:
Have you noticed that I have not once mentioned or argued a point about whether abortion is right or wrong in this post?  And I never will.  Yes, I will say every life is to be valued.  But I refuse to alienate friends and family that need my support.  Instead, I promote the support and love of young people everywhere.  Most people are so busy and so caught up in the semantics and making pronouncement about their opinions in regards to abortion that they are not even really critically thinking about what we can do as a society to enforce change. I am not talking about enforcing change with laws.  I am talking about enforcing change with our attitudes.  With our approach.  With our hearts.  With love!  I'm talking about being real and honest about our  human bodies.  Our limits, our design and our own corrupt society.  We are not corrupt because we allow abortion.  We are corrupt because we have created and fostered a society where abortion is the best option for young women.  Remember, many young woman believe that abortion is the best thing for the baby.  We need to take a hard look at that and ask ourselves what we did to create that mindset.  Once ALL of us take responsibility on this level, abortion rates will come down considerably.  

I challenge both pro-lifers and pro-choicers everywhere to collaboratively think about what we can do to change our words, change our culture so that when a young woman (and man) becomes pregnant: 

She is not shamed, she is celebrated.  

She is not hated, she is loved.  

She is not fearful, she is brave.  

She is not pushed away, she is embraced.

Sources:
Facts on teen sex
Why women have abortions